Em depoimento ao G1, a estudante de psicologia Clarice*, de 24 anos, conta que viveu um relacionamento abusivo por quase quatro anos. Ela foi vítima de abuso sexual e de gaslighting, um tipo de violência psicológica em que o agressor apresenta fatos e informações falsas e faz a vítima duvidar da própria memória e percepção. A jovem de Natal diz que romper o silêncio a ajuda a quebrar a última ligação que tinha com algo que a fez tão mal. Leia abaixo:
“Nós brigamos muito. Ele sempre gritava e, muitas vezes, me empurrava. Já brigamos porque eu fui para a faculdade com uma saia que ele considerava inadequada. Já brigamos no meio de um bar porque ele achou que eu estava dando mole para o garçom. Já brigamos porque eu recebi a visita de um amigo de infância à noite. Já brigamos porque eu publiquei na internet uma opinião que era diferente da dele. Ele queria ter controle sobre tudo, inclusive e-mails, Facebook, telefone. Se eu ia para a aula sem celular, ele se descontrolava a ponto de eu implorar por perdão. Me sentia sufocada.
Eu era sempre manipulada e ficava confusa, sem saber o que era real e o que era mentira. Ele jurava, por exemplo, que tinha me ligado me chamando para jantar, que eu tinha concordado e que já deveria estar pronta. Depois do meu desespero por não conseguir me lembrar, ele confirmava que tinha inventado a conversa.
E a culpa por tudo era sempre minha. Uma vez fomos a uma festa e tivemos que sair mais cedo, porque ele ficou com ciúmes. Ao tirar o carro do estacionamento, ele bateu em um outro carro. E me convenceu de que a culpa era minha. Eu até ajudei a pagar pelo prejuízo.
Mas meu ex também me prendia. Eu vivia uma situação difícil na casa do meu pai. E ele sabia disso. Não por acaso, as brigas eram intercaladas por dias de paz em que ele prometia que ia cuidar de mim e resolver meus problemas.
Foi aí que eu comecei a enxergar todo o resto, e percebi que desde o começo ele já dava sinais de abuso. Nunca havia cogitado que violência psicológica fosse caso de polícia. Achei que iam rir da minha cara. Cheguei a pensar em procurar a polícia após o estupro, mas tinha passado muito tempo.
Quando decidi terminar o relacionamento, comecei a chorar e disse que não dava mais. Ele concordou, foi tranquilo. Mas, no dia seguinte, me ligou no horário em que eu estava me arrumando para ir para a faculdade, dizendo que estava em frente ao meu prédio, me esperando para me levar. Como se nada tivesse acontecido. Era mais um episódio de gaslighting. Eu achava que tinha terminado o namoro. Mas ele jurava que não. Então, uma semana depois, eu fiz tudo parecer muito real, com testemunhas. Fiquei com outro garoto na frente de amigas e também marquei uma conversa definitiva com ele no corredor da faculdade, perto de conhecidos. Tudo para que ele não conseguisse me agredir ou me confundir. Só assim consegui terminar.
Depois disso, fui diagnosticada com depressão. Tinha insônia, falta de apetite, humor instável e muita tristeza. Hoje faço acompanhamento com psicólogo e psiquiatra. Fiquei um ano solteira e agora estou com alguém bem diferente. Meu ex voltou a me procurar quando comecei a namorar. Ele já estava casado, tentou me envolver novamente e quase conseguiu. Percebi que era mais porque eu queria uma explicação ou retratação, algo para superar o trauma. Mas a reaproximação me fez mal e eu desisti. Ele acabou sumindo.
Não sei dizer se estou bem. Mas estou percebendo uma melhora geral. Estou mais no controle da minha vida e dos meus sentimentos.”
* O nome foi trocado para preservar a identidade da entrevistada.
Fonte: Geledés
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